well well well so i finally had my first weekend off in like almost two years. It was quite refreshing, or at least so I thought.. On friday when I got off I drove down to Austin because Paul and his friends were in a car show (tx heatwave). I did not get down there until like 9:30. I was so exhausted I did not really even try to get glammed up. I just touched up my makeup and put a few curls in my hair. We went to dinner at this place called "Trudy's," let me tell ya, it was really good. After that we took a cab to 6th street. We went into several bars, we did the whole bar hopping thing. I saw the "dizzy rooster," which is the bar the real world cast went to a lot, but unfortunantely, we did not get to go inside. Paul and I decided to go back to the hotel early, which if I would have known i was not going to get to go to sixth street on saturday night, i would have stayed out longer. So saturday morning we wake up and go to the car show. It was cool to walk around and look at all the different types of vehicles. It was hot though, I even got a tan on my feet from my flip flops, how funny is that!? well that night on the way back to the hotel, paul had a headache like all day because of the sand and everything*i knew he was not feeling good*, he decides to tell me he does not think he is going to go out tonight. I said that's fine but can i still go?. Oh goodness I started an argument with that one let me tell ya. So..needless to say I did not go out because I was pissed. Well then while we were at dinner with friends he decides to tell all his friends "hey guys kandise is going to go out with ya." Well for one, I was not dressed to go out, and two, I was already so pissed off I did not even want to go out. And dont ever pull that shit to make yourself look better. You threw a fit and then tried to make up for it in front of your friends and make me look like the bitch because I was pissed off, riiiight, good one.. It just got worse and worse and i left sunday morning, without saying goodbye to everyone, without doing a little shopping and finally without visiting the one place I wanted to see while I was down there. So here is my note to you (because I know you read this and I am alot better at writing my feelings than explaining them on the phone or in person).: To begin, Im really glad you invited me down this weekend and I thought it was going to be great, and at the beginning it was. I dont get why you can't act like you are having the least bit of fun though. You were great while we were at the restaurant but once we got to 6th street you did not say very much and seemed pissed off (like you always seem). I knew you were tired so we agreed to leave. No, I did not want to leave but I left for you, did you hear that, FOR YOU. So dont sit here and say I don't sacrifice anything. And no you were not my second obligation while I was down in Austin. But damn it we all know what Austin is famous for and it would not have killed you to go out on Saturday night. It seems like everytime I am with you and your friends you ack like a jerk and just sit there, with no smile, no conversation, no nothing. I mean damn, is your life really that bad that you can't even be happy for one millisecond? I really dont think it is.. And you know what? I dont make you happy, I have known that, cuz honestly, no one can make you happy. You are angry at the entire world, thats why you say your pissed off every five seconds for god knows what. I know you have a problem with me going out, but guess what, we are not married, and this is my life, I choose how I want to live it. I got two jobs, Im done with school, Im taking care of myself, so who are you to pass judgement on me for wanting to go out? I dont go out near as much as I used to. Our personalities are so different. I am happy, bubbly and sociable, and your shy, aggrivated, mellow (whatever you want to call it) and unsociable. Now I have tried to look past everything but once you told me I did not sacrifice anything for you yesterday and you told me "its your loss bitch," i had enough. And no it's your loss. You want to go out and find a girl who you treat exactly the way you did me, fine, she might not get mad. But if she does not it's because she is a pushover and not a respectable woman. I am very stubborn i know, and strong headed but ill be damned if I am goin to sit here and have judgement on the things that I decide to do with my life, which by the way really are not that bad. So until you place a nice shiny ring on my left hand do not fucking judge me and most definitely dont tell me its my loss. if it was my loss then why the hell do you keep texting me?! cuz you want to work it out? personalities dont change.. your still going to be the same angry shy person no matter how hard you try. Im sorry Im not the girl for you. I live an exciting and eventful life, and you dont want that. I know I am far from perfection, and besides I would not want to be perfect anyway, I need to learn. Yes, a lot of things were my fault as well. You sweat the small stuff waaay to much. but whatever im out. so yeah dont text me/call me if your going to pass judgement I got enough to worry about. im out!
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